KEEPING “SIN” OUT OF YOUR RELATIONSHIPS
When I write, “Keeping SIN out of your relationships,” I am using SIN as an acronym for Sarcasm, Indifference, and Neglect. Unlike physical abuse, these three can happen without leaving any physical evidence, but the damage they do is insidious. These three can be toxic to relationships.
Sarcasm is often used for its comedic effect. The television show, The Golden Girls (1985-1992), which remains popular in syndication, features one sarcastic remark after another. While we can laugh at a television show, knowing “those are just actors,” sarcasm is no laughing matter when you become its victim.
Merriam Webster dictionary defines sarcasm as “a sharp satirical or ironic utterance designed to cut or give pain.” According to several sources, the word sarcasm comes from a Greek verb that means “to tear flesh.” Many of us use sarcasm, thinking we are just being cute, not realizing that we may be literally cutting someone to pieces.
The father responding to his son’s question, “Did you see me make that tackle? with a comment such as, “Yes. But it would have been really great if you had tackled him before he crossed the goal line” has hurt his son and introduced him to a potentially harmful way of communicating.
Not sure if sarcasm has become a regular part of your communication? Odds are if you feel the need to follow anything you say with the phrase, “I was just kidding,” you may have either accidentally or intentionally hurt the other person.
Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. Ephesians 4:29 (NLT)
Sarcasm can be a form of verbal abuse! There is an alternative:
Kind words are like honey—sweet to the soul and healthy for the body. Proverbs 16:24
Everyone enjoys a fitting reply; it is wonderful to say the right thing at the right time! Proverbs 15:23
The “I” in SIN is Indifference. Some say the opposite of love isn’t “hate,” but rather, “indifference.” Indifference is a form of passive-aggressive behavior that sends a dangerous “I don’t care about you” message. Want to rekindle the warmth in a relationship? Use your words and actions to show that you aren’t indifferent, to show that you care.
1st Corinthians 13 is not just something to be read at weddings; it is something to live by.
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
The “N” in SIN is Neglect. To neglect is to fail to provide for the needs of another. “But I am a good provider,” some may say. But providing for physical needs is just one part of the job. There are also emotional and spiritual needs.
In Ecclesiastes we read, There is … A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance. It is easy to join in with someone who is rejoicing. Taking time to walk with them during difficult times boosts the emotional health of the relationship.
Then there is spiritual health. Consider the adage “a family that prays together stays together” What part does prayer play in your relationships? Do you pray together sometimes? Occasionally? Never?
Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
As I was writing this chapter, I kept asking myself, “Do you use sarcasm? Are you indifferent? Have you been negligent?” Sadly, the phrase “all have sinned and fall short” kept coming to mind.
During her edit, Bonnie asked, “Are sarcasm, indifference, and neglect sins, as we normally think of sins?” Jesus answered that question:
Jesus replied, “‘You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” Matthew 22:37-39
Do to others as you would like them to do to you. Luke 6:31
The following verses from The Book of Romans are offered to anyone, including me, seeking ways to keep SIN out of their relationships.
We must not just please ourselves. We should help others do what is right and build them up in the Lord. For even Christ didn’t live to please himself. As the Scriptures say, “The insults of those who insult you, O God, have fallen on me. Such things were written in the Scriptures long ago to teach us. And the Scriptures give us hope and encouragement as we wait patiently for God’s promises to be fulfilled.
May God, who gives this patience and encouragement, help you live in complete harmony with each other, as is fitting for followers of Christ Jesus.
Romans 15:1b-5
Blessings,
Don & Bonnie
