I really made a real big mess of things. I've thought with anger and was so blind. I knew better and should have turned to GOD first and always. Now, I am just a hypocrite that messed up my life. There is NO forgiveness after tonight. Maybe just maybe GOD will able to forgive but not the others that I love dearly and hurt so badly. Love plus pent up rage can make you do some REALLY crazy things that you will NEVER be able to take back. I hope my children can forgive me for one scarring them for life and two ruining their future. I hope they know that through ALL this craziness is a mother that loves her babies to death. Hopefully one day you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I have yet to forgive my parents, but I can't really blame them. I should have gotten help long time ago. When I could no longer remember how I spent my childhood days, I should have asked for professional assistance to get to the bottom --- the truth of my resentment, my craziness, my instability.