This prayer is a brain dump... I am putting my junk out there for the world to see and pondering what sticks. I like to sit with my thoughts and feelings a lot. And I have feel like I have pushed away the one who I care most about. Sure financially they are not self sufficient ... but that is not what life is all about. I am difficult to please but for good reason. It took me three year to finish up graduate school and get my license. What does life throw me after that? Being forced to move and getting a new state job simultaneously. Lord be with me ... EUSTRESS is real. This is all overwhelming and in the process I am hurting the one I care about most. YES.. I have been acting irrational .. for quite some time. But there's a valid explanation. You go through relationships so calmly and systematically. Parceling things together so they fall in place as intrinsically as possible. You have your parents as perfect role models. I NEVER knew what a healthy relationship looked like. yes, I am the crazy one. But it's the only way I have had exposure to.