My heart hurts for you and your wife. We lost our oldest son in Feb of 2019 at the age of 46. What you feel is completely normal. Our Father God understands that so well. It will come and somedays you just raise your hands to the Heavens and utter, Help me Lord. I can't say it gets better. It just gets different and one breath at a time. You and your wife and family just take care of you. I will be praying for you.