Aleana. I'm so sorry for what you've been through. I've experienced the same with my young son. I don't know if you've found the answers you're looking for. I can only tell you that I made it through only by the Grace of God. I'm not done. Bad things have happened since and probably will happen again. I only know that nothing helps accept for that still small voice inside me that calls me to seek God. You may never get the answer you seek, but when we call out to God we receive Strength and Love. What you've experienced has allowed you to experience God's Compassion which is exactly what God feels for us when we suffer. My prayer for you is that you don't give up. Seek God in all things. He is all around you. He's in every distraction that puts you on a different course to keep you out of harms way. He is in the person who told you your shade of lipstick suits you perfectly. He is the old person you held the door open for. He's in the little child you winked at to assure her someone cares. He's in me telling you that you're going to be okay, because God loves you. You are not alone. I love you, too.