Aloha Flossy,
This is the first time posting comments here but I've been where you were where I was an addict and suffered extreme depression & anxieties wanting to end my life few many times.
But trust God, he loves you soooo much and forgiven you and has a great plans for you!!!
Have peace of heart knowing that God's got you and never will leave you regardless and hold on.
After many attempts of quitting alcohol and drug habits, finally been sober over 10 years.
My happiness index from 0 -10 ( 10 being happiest)
it was negative -1 as well for anxieties too but I've became sober from grace of God and got the right psychiatric treatments & meds, now living very peaceful and happy life.
I've given up on self but sweet Lord didn't give up on me so have FAITH FLOSSY and don't be so hard on yourself and know that you're Loved !!!
We'll all pray for you to have peaceful and loving life and new chapter to be reborn in spirit again!!!
In Jesus Christ name we pray ~ Amen ~ ♡♡♡

Your spiritual aunt,
Sonja