My husband and I married in December of 2010. Soon after we began trying to have our own family. I'll be honest, after the first month, it was a devastating blow to find out I wasn't pregnant. I figured I would be like everyone else and get pregnant our first try. That didn't happen. The second month and the third month was just as, if not more, devastating to me. Six years later, my uterus has never held a fertilized egg. I've only seen one positive pregnancy test and that was a false positive. I've taken "medicine" to get pregnant, ya know, the kind you find over the internet and promises to get you pregnant. Well, that only landed me in the E.R. We tried Fertility medicine prescribed by a doctor and the only thing that occurred there, was during ovulation, my stomach cramped so bad from producing so many eggs, that I didn't even feel up to have intercourse with my husband...not to mention the mood swings. We tried artificial insemination one time and didn't work. The pain I felt over the years has been like nothing I have EVER experienced. People thought I should just get over it and that I was being dramatic, but I wasn't. My heart was completely broken. I never wanted nothing more than to be a mom. As a seven or eight year old girl, I wanted to be a mommy when I grew up--nothing else. Being a mom has always been a number one priority for me. It was my 'calling'. So after nearly 60 months of my body NOT creating a baby, I was left destroyed. Now don't get me wrong, I was and still am very thankful that I never experienced a miscarriage or still born. My heart goes out to the many, many women this happens to everyday. But personally, I've never felt more pain.

I finally accepted that I was not going to get pregnant. We decided to go with adoption. I was truly scared that I wouldn't have that bond with our adopted child that I wanted...that I needed. I put it all in God's hands. It took me awhile to say the least. But finally, I did it. I give it all to our Great Father.

On May 10, we got the call about our son. He was a two week old, healthy 7 lb 9 oz, 19 inch long, little miracle. We picked him up the next day and it has been so amazing. My heart is filled to the brim and is overflowing with love for my little Kai. I have something now, that I thought I never would, and I thank God every single day for my blessing. He has filled every crevice of pain that we held and mended us.

So if you are trying, and it just isn't working, don't lose faith. It's hard to keep the faith. I know. It is so hard, especially when there are so many people getting pregnant, and most of them aren't the mothers/fathers they should be. You can't find peace in this journey unless you lean on God for help and guidance.