Please pray for me to follow my true dream "singing and acting"... Not to have stage fright! I feel like God is calling to do my true dream!

I have going through some emotional things about my sad childhood. I want to believe that God had a reason for all of that, but to be honest I am losing my faith, mind, hope. I am a very sweet, generous, kind, honest girl that people in school, home, public places would make me feel like I am not wanted, feeling hated, disgusted. People tell me and Christian shows tell me God sees the true beauty of my soul, heart. I just don't know who or what to believe anymore. I don't even feel encouraged to go to church or really anywhere without feeling/looking down on myself of others (in my mind on others) I try to hide it all though. I know it's wrong.

I have going through some emotional things about my sad childhood. I want to believe that God had a reason for all of that, but to be honest I am losing my faith, mind, hope. I am a very sweet, generous, kind, honest girl that people in school, home, public places would make me feel like I am not wanted, feeling hated, disgusted. People tell me and Christian shows tell me God sees the true beauty of my soul, heart. I just don't know who or what to believe anymore. I don't even feel encouraged to go to church or really anywhere without feeling/looking down on myself of others (in my mind on others)