My heart hurts for you and so many others. Child do not let despair consume you. God does love you but he might be waiting on you to accept the blessings you have and to realize you have more control over your condition than you believe. We all go through storms throughout life it is how we handle them that shows our love for him. Hang in there smile through the struggle, find others to help while you are going through your journey as it will help you as well.