There are people who care for you and will be praying for you. Try to find a pastor who doesn't know your wife. I believe Catholic Community Services still offers counseling, and you don't have to be Catholic to get help. Frania offered a beautiful prayer for you. I couldn't say it any better, so I will be offering that same prayer for you as well. Things may seem hopeless right now, but life never stays the same very long, so things will change. No matter the outcome, you will not be alone, and the Lord will make your life happy again. I was devastated when my first husband was abusive and also cheated on me. The divorce was difficult to get through. I raised my 2 sons alone for 8 years. That was my choice because I wanted to give them stability. When my older son was in his senior year of high school, I met a guy I had a crush on in high school. We eventually got married and were married for 28 years when he passed away in 2019. I'm not saying your marriage will end in divorce; I just wanted to use my life as an example that the Lord never leaves us alone, no matter what we're going through. He got me through SO many rough times raising my sons when I was up against a brick wall. Please trust that He will be with you as well.