I just need to make a public proclamation that God is bigger than the enemy! This weekend my 14 year old is getting baptized and my husband was ready to be baptized as well. My husband has struggled with coming to faith and accepting Jesus but Sunday was supposed to be the day. Last night my husband took 60 benzodiazepines and attempted suicide. After his organs nearly shutting down and his blood pressure dropping to a deadly low, he finally pulled through the overdose. The reason was honestly unclear and he was brought to desperation in an instant for no reason that makes any sense. Today I had to commit my husband for at least five days. He works for the hospital that he was committed and his job is now threatened. On my way home from the ER last night I could do nothing but scream to the enemy that God is bigger, God is bigger, God is bigger. I was so excited that my husband was on the eve of being born into an unfailing love. Though my husband will be in treatment for days, my son will be baptized on Sunday. I may miss visiting hours at the treatment facility and I hope God assures my husband I am not abandoning him but I chose God and Truth and Freedom and Hope and do not let my tears deceive because I am confident the Lord will seal my husband's soul! I will not be moved!

My husband once was a serial cheater. Then for months he made so many changes. Tonight he told me he would that he was going to go on a three night work retreat where the company members would be staying at a resort and not a hotel. I cannot visit there. Fear rose up in me. I softly told him I felt anxiety. He became upset with me saying I do not trust him. But it is a fear that comes from a past that takes time to heal. He then said, "I should just cheat on you because you will just accuse me anyway." That comment alone creates the same pain that infidelity caused me. I am confused and I need strength. I am hurt and I need rest. I do not know even how to carry the pain inside of my heart right now. That is honest.