Life is hard. Even harder when you have an addiction. Call NAMI for someone to talk to about getting help for your pain. God loves you I know how you feel because I’ve been there myself. You feel alone so make the call & make a connection with someone. I will be praying for your depression & addiction deliverance

God will save your soul. The addiction is what you have to fight. Take it one day at a time. If you can’t make it a day cut it down to hours, minutes something manageable for you. Find an NA group. If you can’t find one then try an A A group. Process is the same. If you screw up, start again, try to make each time you start to make your timeline increase. Addiction is hard for all the reasons you’ve named. Find a church or sponsor to help you over the rough spots. I’m praying for your salvation and recovery. Just know you are loved and there is no sin too big for God to handle