Praying for you. I don't pretend to have all of the answers, so I can only share what I learned going through a similar experience. The actions of others is a reflection of them, NOT YOU. You did nothing to cause his actions; we each make our own choices. Losing someone who is still alive seems harder to me than losing someone to death; the choice to leave us feels like rejection. You have not been rejected, nor are you somehow worth less now that you find yourself without your partner. You are still God's child, and His plans for you will one day be made clear. He also did not choose this for you, but because He created us with freedom of choice, others can hurt us with the choices they make. Hold on to God's hand, and value yourself.