I often feel depressed and feeling worn at times, feeling that my relationships with people are not going to be ok. I'm a guy who is so awkward when it comes to having a relationship which of course are friends. It's like they care but they don't act and I just can't T_T I'm not ok at those times sorry :(

I know being a Christian is a hard life but we live by grace but right now I don't feel the joy, happiness, peace in my life. I live in an apartment where the church I'm in trains us to be leaders but the fact is that there are very harsh words that are being said there and if I leave they may say that you still need to submit to their authority because they are the appointed person by God but I really am not in a good mood and relationship with them. Also when I tried to go to the other church by secret I just was blessed with what I heard and I just was in tears coming home but when I go home all the joy, peace, and everything leaves because of the situation present. I really want to go to the other church but I am not strong enough to say that because I have many friends in the church and the only problem was the persons in the apartment and the network I was in so I really want to get out. I want the reminder of peace, joy, and the fruits of the spirit and the actions and behavior of a Christian to be present because due to that situation it affected my thinking of God, I thought that God was a wrathful and so angry and that is why I don't want to leave but when I got to the other church i was reminded that He was a person who you an relate everyone to :"""""| I really am in a hard situation. :(((

I pray for Mikhail Malayang, he was once my Bible study leader but due to his problem I was passed on to another leader and right now his actions and behavior to me has been hostile. It's as if I wasn't even there and all that our experiences have been thrown out the window so I pray that he would try and talk to me because it is not helping me to grow so please. T.T I really am having a hard time.

Finding a Bible Study Leader who is truly present in Your Ways Lord and also trying to be a Father like.
Finding a Training Apartment where I can grow.