Dear Father,
Its been awhile since we've really talked. I don't even feel like I know you anymore. I talk about u all the time and get filled with joy, defend u when I need to. Yet, I feel spiritually drained and u know the reason I haven't been living my life for you anymore even though I speak and praise you I feel like a hypocrite. I feel selfish and wrong for speaking of you and am afraid. I am dealing with a thorn in my side that I know u can get rid of but I just won't get rid of. It's so hard to let go of the thing that makes me sick, vulnerable, confused, lost, miserable. I am afraid of the wrath from you that comes with knowing what you are doing is wrong or have been warned, yet I still do the sins that I do. It is not that I don't hold u in reverence, but I admittedly, openly rebel against you Lord. I am so sorry yet when I try to give it all to you and drop the baggage I am left wanting lonely and have no one. My patience has been long gone and feel that u have abandoned me & my enemies are always there to mock or shall I say pick me up. After I give in which does not take long I spend days kicking myself saying oops I did it again, I have created my own hellish nightmare, called Dejavu'. Please help me.Deliver this evil that will eventually kill me and leave me lost forever. I am even afraid to ask u for forgiveness. Yet I know if asked u will. So please forgive me for the many sins I have committed in the time wasted not being with you.Thank you. in Jesus name I pray amen
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