Laura, I'm sorry for your losses. It seems like you could use someone to talk to. Have you considered a pastor or counselor? It is easy to feel unhappy in life when we are bombarded by the appearance of happiness in social media, on TV, in advertising. Yet, things are not always the way they appear. Happiness is a choice. You get up every day and tell yourself, "Today I will look for the good in my life and not focus on what I've lost." This doesn't mean denying you feel sad about losing those you love. It just means not focusing on that. God promises that the later part of life will be better than the former part. Remind God of his promises to you. Remind him that because you walk upright, no good thing will be withheld from you. Ask him to give you beauty for the ashes of your unhappiness and rise up out of them confident your prayers will be answered.

The most difficult thing is to forgive yourself and it is the most important thing. Forgive yourself so you can begin to really move forward.