I have finally had it with alcohol. All I want it to do is numb the bad feeling associated with bad decisions I've made. I know it's not something everyone understands. I CHECKED MYSELF INTO A SOBER HOUSE. It's only been 2 days in so far. I have a single apartment, two beautiful kittens and a supportive boyfriend, but when sh** hits the fan, I would drink copious amounts of booze just to forget EVERYTHING that has happened to me. Now, all I can do is feel and think about my bad decisions... some of them horrendous, others mediocre, but all affect the way I think. Like my recent DUI, loosing my job and my much more horrible early adulthood. I feel like I'm wasting people's time by asking for prayer, but I need it. I want to help others. I want to live the life God wants of me. I want to be free from self-loathing. Done with this booze and the numbing, and everything hurts so bad. I need prayer.

I so just need a job. I would like to get off unemployment (thank God for that!), go to college and live out the calling God has for me. I have been obeying His cry for my heart, but it has been difficult. I have been living in the world, eating up the lies the devil tells me for far too long. It is a daily process for me to get my head out of my you know where and focus on his truths and his goodness. I know up in my head that God's plans for me are not to harm me, but I find it hard to truly believe that when I seem so undesirable. How am I supposed to follow His plan if I can't even support myself? He keeps saying, "Only believe, my favorite daughter." We are all so favorited by Him! ugh... I so just need a job.

God is good! He has just sent me a huge curve-ball in my life (I think it may have smacked me in my head) so that I may focus again on Him, my Papa.

I have spent way too much time focusing on many men and and tons of booze to really care about the One who cares so much for me and you. However, I still need to deal with this curve-ball. I need prayer for strength throughout this hard trial to stay sober and act with grace. I know it will be lonely, so I need to learn to turn to his love and guidance as these are most prevalent.

I feel like so many of us have this same issue (not loving ourselves enough and turning towards outside forces for love and acceptance), so I would like to extend this prayer not only for me, but for us all.