Don't worry Denise--you can never be truly lost because the Lord knows exactly where you are. Please remember that. I think talking to a counselor can help you. If you don't have insurance, contact your county's MH/MR agency. They offer reduced (based on your income) or free counseling services. Catholic Community Services or the Lutheran Society also provide counseling in many locations. We all get stuck sometimes and need someone objective to help us sort out our feelings and get us on the right track to healing. I wish you the best of luck. You'll be in my prayers.