I am an adult child of a very verbally, emotionally and physically abusive alcoholic mother. I slept out a lot to escape the violence in my home. I was turned on to Marijuana at age 9 which gave me a mental escape. At age 13 i started drinking, which led to any other drug i was introduced to, i took it, smoked it and abused it. I was kicked out of my house, which opened my life up to abusive men, bad friendships, hard drugs and drinking, is all i lived for. I went into my first inpatient rehab, after getting a DWI, and under supervision from the probation dept. I continued drinking and using and fooling the system. Eventually i went inpatient, due to afamily intervention, and met a man who i eventually moved in with shortly after my completion. We relapsed together and couldn't stop. I found out i was pregnant within a year, and decided to keep my baby, believing he would keep me clean and sober, because at this point i was smoking and sniffing cocaine, and it was extremely out of control. I only styed clean for a week after giving birth. I spent the first 2 yrs, controlling my addiction by only using at night while my son slept, my sister constantly calling child protective services, eventually i turned over custody and went inpatient a few more times with many relapses in between. This went on until my son was 11 yrs old...i started selling drugs out of my home and probation sent police to my house, they searched and found drugs, at this point i was drinking day/night 24/7, smoking cocaine/crack and sniffing heroin, while my sons father was shooting it. We were both arrested and my son was placed with my sister and her family, for 3 yrs. I tried to get clean, but losing my son, sent me over the edge of hopelessness. I felt "If i couldn't stop when he was in my care, why bother now"? I tried suicide on many occasions, thinking he would be better off without me. He was in a good loving home with 3 young children, he had stability, consistency and Love. But i had a bond with him no one could break thru, because i showered him with Love and affection even thru my addictions. And, he waited patiently for me to get well and bring him home. He wanted to come home to his Mommy, and it broke my heart..i felt soo weak and powerless, and believed i wasn't worthy of him, or his Love. I felt ashamed, too ashamed to even pray for help. I got high and drunk alone for 2 of the 3 yrs. his father went to jail..and i found myself in the loneliest place i had ever felt. I had no one, i was cast out of my family, and not even my drug addict friends would speak to me anymore. I will never, ever forget that loneliness. I was alone in my room, of my dads house getting high for a few months, i started writing leters, to God. Pouring out my heart and soul..begging him for forgiveness and help. I turned on the T.V and Joyce Meyers was on, she had a guest speaker she was interviewing, who was talking about Gods Grace, and forgiveness, and he will love and help us if we ASK him...they asked all who was watching to join in Prayer, asking the Lord to help us get off this hopeless merry go round, to bring us out of the pit and into the palace...I said the prayer (for the first time in 3 yrs) and asked God for his help. I repeated everything they to say, and let go at Amen..........Later that morning i got a call to go out and party with my ex-bf, we rented a hotel and partied, smoking cocaine, sniffing/shooting heroin and drinking...when it was over, i decided to go out in the car and cop more drugs, i was pulled over by a policeman at 630am...exactly 12 hrs to the hour i had said my prayer the morning before (24 hrs later) I was charged with a DWI and possession of a controlled substance, along with many other traffic violations. They sentenced me to 6 months incarceration. This is How I was Saved!!........I surrendered my life heart and soul to God and asked him to take over my life, because I don't know how to live Lord...i was informed 2 days later that my ex bf had died of an overdose in a jail cell, i was in 2 wks before. I WAS BROKEN..i gave up and surrendered my life to Jesus Christ. From there i went to bible study group 2x a week, and helped others find there was to freedom from addictions. I was in a dorm that offered meetings and therapy, and it was a gift from God I will never forget. I live life on lifes terms today...staying close to God with gratitude an reaching out to others. I am a certified Addictions counselor...and it was ALL BY THE GRACE OF GOD AND MY SURRENDER!! I had a God size hole in my soul, which has been filled..only by surrendering my power to him. I am a grateful recovered addict/alcoholic for 8 yrs this past Sept 16, and helped my son (who is now 21) into recovery as well. He celebrated 9 months on the 16th of this month as well. Def a Godwink. Sooo grateful for my blessings...i hope to help others find there Faith, because that's where the answeres are...In God.