I am going to have some heart surgery this Tuesday, May 28th, and although I have had this one before, it has made me think long and hard about my life and this in turn has made me very sad. I never thought I would share this with others and I must say this is very difficult for me yet I guess I am going to just get it out.
I have 5 siblings, lost my Dad , 5-27-3012 and my mom is still with us, and I have two children and one grandchild and many of nieces and nephews but I really do not have all of them. I barely speak nor know any of them but 2, who do try to keep in touch. Oh they say they care and they love me yet in my heart I know this is not so for if they did they would show it and include me in their lives but they don't. They make excuses and truly I don't blame or hate anyone... it just is! I am blessed to have a wonderful man, who is my partner and best friend for over 18 years now, and we have a very special blessed love. I am just sad that I thought I had all those others, especially the ones I gave birth to and yet I don't and I feel they were taken from me and only God can understand this and know for the truth has been buried so far under that they are no longer able to feel it or see it.
My formal husband of over 17 years, and the father of my two children, is also gone since, 12-25-2008, and he was only 49 yrs. old, and I love and miss him too. He died alone and should not have and even these people who left him to die take no responsibility for their roles in his loneliness. They believe they were good to him and that they love him as much as he deserved. Again, the truth is with God for only He knows now...
Now I come to today. I spend a lot of time on the internet and mostly Facebook for I find friends who I feel truly love and care about me. The ones who say they love me... they say my Facebook friends are not real and I don't know them but I feel I know their hearts and they show me they love and care for me. I must remember to trust my instinct and to trust in God and feel His love for I will never feel this loneliness again...
I pray to feel loved, respected and cared for by others. I feel a great need to show others how much they mean to me and that I do truly love and care about them! I pray for peace and to be whole. I pray to begin to live here as God wants me to live for now I just exist!
Please pray that my surgery goes well and that I will again get strength to live happy and have and know love of others...
Thank You!