Dear God I think I am going crazy . I can not get Vanessa Pauline East off my mnd she there when I wake up , on my mind most of the along with the kids Andrew and Sheila. there the last thing on my mind when I go to sleep. She is in my dreams . I feel her crying . I hear about her acting so fake . I see how controlled she is . Just wish she can see how much I cared . Wish she could see what my worth was to her and kids . I wish the kids cared enough to tell her . I miss my family and Vanessa. My life just put on hold . Not sure where to go . I feel as though I am dying slowly alone and broken lost .please help me God .