Feeling kind of lost, alone and afraid. a lot of lose in the past few years and a whole stream of events that keep happening with each passing... It is odd but this is how it goes and I am trying to change this or not have it happen... The passing, I get depressed, then I get some sort of message from my bank that a check has bounced. I think it is my fault run to bank and find, 1st time, some one was stealing from me. this time the bank made a mistake. the next thing is the sewage system stops working and backs up, or house floods... I get in trouble with my landlord money is late, because of bank. The last time I lost my home and had to live in an abandoned building that I had to pay 500.00 a month for with no gas or electric. I am becoming afraid again.
What am I suppose to learn? what am I suppose to do? What is going on? Is there something God wants from me that I am just not getting... This is how I became so upset with God the last time... Alone and cold in a strange town ... I mean the last time it was the most horrible thing in my life and I prayed... it was my father that passed.. I can't take this again this is my ex husband, we had just made amends and were learning to care about each other in a new way... I was in the process of working with god and feeling enlightened and finding a church... and again... The time before that was my grandmother.. I mean it has to be something that I am suppose to get... I can't understand! Please help me pray for me or give me some kind of understanding... Can any one discern anything. I am trying to have faith and with each new thing I become afraid. My question is and has been God if you love me if I am one of your children, why? I don't mind going through loss I know that comes with life. I am not any better then any of your other children .you said never more then i can take, i can't do this! please don't make me go through this again. There are more parts to this... the first time I gave my ex husband my children for six months. the second time my youngest for a year while my oldest lived in covenant house ... now he isn't there and they are grown18 and 22. I want to believe he has better for me and mine , I am just finding it hard to see. What am I suppose to learn?