I know you're there. I wouldn't have gotten this far if you weren't. How do I keep doing this? It’s got to stop. It's time that I have some peace. I have been walking in the likes of Jesus to the best of my human soul. Self-will is something I don't want anymore. Take it back. If I am to get to the place you have reserved for me, then I need to release the pain and suffering that I hold onto. It keeps me in the devils foothold away from love, joy, and contentment. I have no path, no focus, no direction yet you've blessed me with the gift to bestow the encouragement to others so that they find theirs. How do I give away what I don't have? Its not supposed to work that way! But I do it anyway. With a heart of service and with no judgement. I love unconditionally, forgive freely, accept people right where they're at and give the gift of hope everyday. Its who I am meant to be. So why is there such an emptiness me? I will continue to be who I am, with servitude. I have nothing left to loose but the entry into your kingdom. So I will keep my faith and trust that there is something better waiting for me.

Today God, I come before you stiil humbled and in awe for all the grace you have shown me throughout my life despite myself. Today you told me to be patient, to not rush life and let things come as they are meant to. That is a virtue that the trauma took away. I struggle with control and patience. Which both inhibit my trust in you. Show me the way. Its difficult being a human with so much anger, hate, judgment, disparity, classism and greed. Its difficult to stand alone. Cleanse the earth. Teach the masses unity and love. If we are to get through those two things will be the only way to survive what is coming.