Please pray that I find my way back soon. I have completely shut my family out. I am constantly crying and wondering why things have happened the way they have.
I know I have no control and I cannot change anything, but I would like to see what God's purpose is. I feel like I go from begging to God, to crying out to him, to getting mad at him, to begging him again.
Please help me as I am so lost and can't seem to be able to get out of it.

I recently had a baby on September 15th. I had been struggling with my Faith and what God's plan is for me since June of this year. I thought that once I had the baby I would be ecstatic but instead I am more of a mess. Now, other than what I was already dealing with I am also constantly questioning if I went to the hospital when I should have, if I would have had her the day before had I gone to the hospital since I was already feeling bad (the 14th was a special day for me and I wanted to have her on that date), why God has abandoned me, etc.
I have been praying like crazy all day every day asking God to show me the reasons for all this sadness and doubt, but it seems that either I doing something wrong or he has stopped listening to me.

Please pray that I regain my Faith and that I see clearly what God is trying to show me. Please as I know that there is power in numbers and I really want to get back to being the mother, wife and daughter I should be rather than shutting everyone out. Please know that your prayers will be greatly appreciated.