There are times I feel so worn out, so down. Feeling used and abused. I don't know where to turn or where to run. I thank God for all the blessings he has given to me. ME family, my friends, my life. But I feel like all the wrong in it, is my fault and no matter how hard I try, I fail. Sometimes i just dont want to get up. I have come to the point where I realized that I am addicted to my sin. I dont enjoy that fact at all. I feel like its keeping my back. That and ever little wrong I do. When i talk back to my parents, when I ignore my siblings, when I disrespect my friends. I never mean to, I dont mean to. If thats what someone says I did, then I did. how am i to argue against it. School is against me because i failed one too many times. No job. Money tight. All my fault. no one else's. God please, i need your touch. I need you. I don't know what else to do.

Yesterday as I was walking back to my explorer to change books i was singing some worship songs just to myself and i was really praising and the guy next to me was touched. I made his day better. I was a blessing! But last night and this morning I fell into my secret sin and I'm trying so hard to fight it and run from it. But sometimes i think i let it in or i run to it. I pray that i not only win this battle but the war and overcome this sin and that God shows me his light once more. i love everything he has done for me, the people he has put into my life, i just want to free and see my lord and savior in heaven. I just feel so dirty and unclean and sometimes i wonder if he really loves me because of what i've done.

not sure if i know an yother person who keeps screwing up like me. about a month ago i was able to go two weeks with without giving into my sin. and ever since then, ive been fighting or not fighting and just giving in. i really want to stop. i just dont know what t to do anymore. am i not trying hard enough or am i doing something wrong that i keep falling and failing? i feel stuck, lost, unloved. i need real strength from god and the strength to not give in to the desires of the flesh. i want to win this battle.

1 Corin 13:4 Love is patient and love is kind. Well sometimes it can so cruel. Thats how it feels to me. Dealing with the memories of the past are hurtful especially with ones of my ex. I feel so trapped by them and by her. I'm trying to hold my head up but i feel so weighted and alone right now. i want to be free of this madness, confusion and pain. I have more pressing matters in my life than her and of the memories my past mistakes in "falling in love" some as recent as last week. I ask God to continue to be with me and to show me love. I'm just tired of the run around and the lies and the pain.

God im sorry for the way i have been acting. it hasnt been reflecting you. i have no excuse because i choose to do them. I wont even blame satan on account thats just silly. Its becoming increasingly clear to me that i cant live in your light and in the world. that i cant be for you one day and the world the next. i cannot be like the hare in the race. yes, you want our best effort but you also want dedication and persistence and continuity and consistency from me. I have not been living like you and i am quick, so quick to get angry. James 1:20 says For the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. i want to see your righteousness. Im sorry for how i have acted, for the things i have said and done. god im so lost. please pray for me. god please save me.

Here I am. Back again. Just wondering where I go wrong and why I keep making the wrong choices in life. It seems as if I the more I try to do me, the worse it is and I should "take a book out of other peoples life" according to my father. Grades came in, i knew I was never going to well in one class. Feels like I'm on a tight rope most of the time. Life is making no sense right now. I need clarification in my life, guidance, the whole package. I don't know where to begin.

Thanking God for another day. Three things: Tomorrow I have to teach the young adults and I have terrible stage fright. Asking for confidence and strength to share what I have learned. The second is that I stay on God's path. Lately I have been veering off and walking into sin and I don't want to be there. So I pray that I find that path once again. Three: (sorry if this is long) I'm talking to two very beautiful young ladies and they are strong in the lord. I am not yet ready to be in a relationship yet and I would like to grow more in Christ and be more sensitive in my spirit so that I know whether or not one of these two are or that none of them are for me.
everyday I pray but somewhere along the way I mess up and I would like for things to go right.

It's been a rough month for me. Had trusting problems in my relationship with my girlfriend early this month. Can't hear the voice the voice God anymore and I feel battered and broken. I'm trying to get my girl to turn to the light and I can't do it if I keep messing up in many ways than one and it feels like no one cares. That everyone else gets what they want and I am struggling to stand at times. I need guidance and strength and peace and a God to just lead me and my girl closer to him. It feels like I am ranting.